Obsessive Tendencies
by Brynhild GoUrL
Summary: Spander slash warning. Once upon a time there was Xander, who secretly liked Spike. Nothing terribly squicky, but there are restraints used and creepyness abounds.
1. Accomplished

**Title **: Obsessive Tendencies  
**Author**: Dea Brynhild Ensomhet Spikess  
**Timeline**: Bs4  
**Rating**: PG-13.  
**Pairing**: Spike/Xander.  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own any of the Buffy or Angel cast/crew/characters/plotlines/etc. Please don't sue.  
**Summary**: Once upon a time there was Xander, who secretly liked Spike. Nothing terribly squicky, but there are restraints used and creepyness abounds.  
**Author's notes**: Unbeated, so this will probably be full of mistakes. And I suck at tenses, so point out errors and I'll fix them.

**Chapter 1: Accomplished**

Xander sips on a cold soda, savoring the flavor as he celebrates. He's nowhere near close to where he wants to be, but today he's one step farther than he was yesterday. Oh, but last night... Xander smiles in remembrance. Last night Spike came over, and they watched a movie together. Granted, they were sitting on opposite sides of the couch, and the only real conversation was spent sniping at each other or griping about the acting and plotline of the flick, but Xander still thinks the evening went better than he'd hoped for.

The ashtray might've been a little too much, judging by the look Spike had given him when he saw it. "What?" Xander had replied, beaming innocence. "Friends don't let friends burn the furniture." And the fact that he got to spend the evening surrounded by the scent of smoke and Spike has nothing to do with the small black plastic bowl on his coffee table.

Xander tipped back his head, swallowing the dredges of the soda, before snapping the silver tab off, pocketing it, and then crushing the can in his fist. He stood and grabbed the now full ash-tray before heading into the kitchen. He dropped the can in the waste basket, then went to the sink. He carefully extracted each cigarette filter from the small mound of ashes, and placed them in a row on the counter, before rinsing the ashes down the drain and using a paper towel to wipe out the ashtray for future use.

He then got a small plastic baggie from the cabinet and labeled it with yesterday's date in black permanent marker. He took a moment to caress the seven filters, letting his fingers drift over the stubbed and twisted surfaces, before carefully placing them inside the baggie and sealing it up. Taking out another baggie, he also labeled it with yesterday's date, and set it on the counter. Turning to the waste basket, he opened it and began to dig. He pushed aside several soda cans, all crushed with their tabs missing, until he found the one he was looking for. Uncrushed, with the tab still on. This was the can that Spike drank from last night.

Xander held the can, basking for a moment at the nearness he felt to Spike, holding an object that had touched his lips. He slipped the can inside the second baggie, and sealed it, before taking both items to his bedroom. Inside his closet was a large box that was slowly being filled with Spike - several baggies of his cigarette butts, a Sex Pistols CD that he'd stolen from the crypt, the ropes he'd used to tie up Spike that first night, flakes of black nail polish that Spike had picked off and left scattered on the floor, and several other things. Sometimes when he was really lonely, Xander would take one of the filters out and place it between his lips, and then he could almost taste Spike for the next several hours.

He reverently laid the new bag of filters and the soda can into the box, and replaced the lid. He re-covered the box with stray clothes before closing the closet door, hoping that no one would ever find his box of treasures. He never told anyone about his collection, knowing that the girls would think it was wrong, that he was obsessed and disturbed. But they didn't understand. He wasn't obsessed, he was in love, and he wanted to be as close to Spike as he could be, at least until Spike was ready to go to the next level...


	2. Discontent

**Chapter 2: Discontent**

Xander closed the door to his apartment with a weary sigh. Shrugging off his jacket, he hung it up on the hook near the door and locked the door. Patrol had been rough tonight. Apparently Spike had gone missing, and Buffy was afraid that maybe he was plotting some new evil scheme, so she'd called out the entire Scooby Gang for a long patrol, but no one had been able to find hide nor hair of the vampire in question. The crypt that Spike had been living in was gathering dust and most of his more valuable belongings were gone, but whether they'd been moved or whether the empty crypt had been raided by someone was hard to tell.

"Maybe he moved on." Willow had suggested to Buffy, "Sunnydale isn't that much fun for a chipped vampire, so maybe now that he knows he can fight demons, he decided to go somewhere else. Or..." She trailed off, but everyone knew what she was going to say. Xander and Willow had caught Spike trying to dust himself only a few days ago, so it wasn't impossible that he'd tried again and managed to succeed.

Buffy beat up Willie even more than usual, but the bartender continued to swear that he had no idea where Spike was, so the gang was at a loss of what to do next. Xander sighed, kicking off his shoes and padding to the bedroom.

"Hey honey, I'm home." Xander murmured, crawling into bed without turning a light on. Spike didn't respond, so Xander let his fingertips trail down Spike's arm. That elicited a shiver, and Xander grinned at the obvious sign of restrained lust. "Miss me, baby?" he whispered into Spike's ear, rolling over to straddle the vampire. When he'd seen Spike trying to impale himself on a stake rather than admit to the passionate feelings that were burning inside him for Xander, Xander knew it was time to go to the next level of their relationship. He had to protect Spike, even it it was Spike who he was protecting him from. This was the way it had to be to keep Spike safe.

But apparently Spike hadn't accepted this logical reasoning, because there were traces of blood from where he'd been struggling against the cloth and wire gag all day. Vampiric healing had already closed the wounds against the corners of his lips, but the paths that the blood had dripped across Spike's cheeks were dried and dark against his pale skin. "I wish you wouldn't struggle so much against what you know is meant to be." Xander said quietly, lowering his head to lick the dried blood away. Spike trembled and the shackles connecting his wrists to the head board made a soft tinkeling sound. Xander chuckled. "You know you want it. You don't have to fight it anymore." He gently untied the gag and took it off, setting it aside. He was tempted to remove the blindfold too, but he left it on. He'd learned from what he'd read that the blindfold was an essential part of the process - by cutting off sight, it helped the person to be able to concentrate on themselves and sort though their feelings, and then accept and cope with the results of their feeling sorting. As much as he wanted to gaze into Spike's breathtakingly beautiful blue eyes, he didn't want his own selfishness to impede the process. The sooner Spike processed and accepted his feelings, the sooner they'd be the happy couple Xander knew they were destined to be.

"Hate you." Spike muttered, voice broken. Xander knew he was crying, would be able to hear the tears in his voice even if he didn't see them soaking into the blindfold.

"You love me, darling." Xander replied, kissing a trail from Spike's lips to the curve where neck meets shoulder. "You just can't admit it yet. But don't worry..." He bit down sharply, causing Spike to cry out. "I'll help you." 


	3. Worried

**Chapter 3: Worried**

"Hey, you up for a patrol?" Xander has asked, stopping by his crypt one evening. He'd figured the boy was either looney or on something, but he didn't smell any drugs in the boy's scent, so maybe he'd just eaten one too many twinkies and couldn't sleep from the sugar rush.

"Sure, why not." he'd replied, and pulled on his duster. He'd let Xander lead the way, keeping an eye out for any nasties while mostly ignoring where Xander was going and what Xander was blathering on about. "It was really complicated at first, since I didn't have the designs of how it was supposed to have worked, but I borrowed a few tools from work and I think I was able to figure it out, and it should be good as new. I can't wait to test it out."

"Mmmhmm." Spike had grunted noncommitaly.

They were making their way through some of the back alleys in Sunnydale, when Xander exclaimed, "Hey, look! It's that old vampire-wannabe club place."

Spike nodded. He remembered that place with all the little humans swooning over 'The Lonely Ones', and Buffy with a stake at Drusilla's chest. The door of the club wasn't quite hanging off its hinges anymore, and Spike frowned.

Xander noticed what he was looking at. "You think somebody's moved in there?"

"Don't know." Spike replied, and stalked forward. "I'll check it out. You stay here."

"Okey dokey. Xander said, stake in his hand just in case.

Spike crept into the old club, every sense on alert. He didn't sense any vampires or humans hiding in the shadows, but he didn't want to over-look them if they were there. He was at the foot of the stairs when he inhaled, and frowned again. Xander's scent was close. "Dammit, I thought I told you to--" he whirled around, and stopped at the sight of Xander standing just outside the door. But if Xander was still outside, then why was his scent inside the old club?

Xander grinned, a wicked, awful grin, and pushed the large door closed. Spike cried out in denial and flew up the steps, but to no avail. The tiny click of the lock echoed though the air seconds before Spike reached the door. He began pounding on it, screaming in rage even as he knew the door wouldn't budge. It had taken over a dozen vampires working from both sides to bust open the door the first time; there was no way he would be able to force it open himself.

He finally stopped banging, sliding down the door to sit on the floor. This didn't make sense. Why did Xander lock him in an empty club? He knew he'd freaked the kid out when he'd tried to stake himself, but he hadn't thought it was in the boy's nature to make a vamp starve to death. Spike looked around the room again, this time taking note of the details. There were a few pillows and blankets, but all of the furniture and everything made of wood had been removed. Apparently starvation was the key word for the day. Bloody pillock.

The first day of his imprisonment, after searching the club from top to bottom several times for another way out, he mostly brooded. Thought about Angel, about Dru, and about his unlife now. Wondered if either of them would care if Spike was dust, or if they'd ever find out. The second day he tore everything he could get his hands on to shreds. Tiny bits of cloth and cotton were scattered everywhere, and when everything was torn into as tiny bits as he could tear it, he began kicking the scraps around the floor. By the third day the hunger was gnawing away at his belly, and he was half-tempted to suck on his own arm just for something to do. The fourth day he was so weak and hungry that he couldn't really move much more than to thump his boot against the floor. He thumped in a variety of rhythms and occasionally whimpered a melody out along with the thumps. The evening of the fourth day Xander returned, this time with ropes and chains. The moment Xander was within reach Spike used his last remaining energy to lunge at the boy, intent on ripping out his throat despite the pain of the chip. The moment Spike's mouth touched Xander's neck though, his lips started to smoke and burn and he recoiled away, collapsing to the floor as he writhed from both the pain of the chip firing and the pain of the holy water Xander had anointed his neck with. He didn't have the strength left to put up a fight, and let himself pass out as Xander tied, shackled, and carried him out of the old club.

He awoke some time later chained to Xander's bed, with Xander lying beside him. The blindfold cut off his vision, but his sense of smell told him where he was. Xander was applying some cool balm to the burns on his mouth, and whispering, "I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you, but you can be so stubborn sometimes. It was the only way I could think of to help you see reason." A straw touched his tongue, and he carefully closed his wounded lips around the straw and drank the blood. 'That's a good boy. Drink up so you can get strong again." A hand started petting his hair and Spike jerked away, knocking the straw out of the cup in the process. He felt the sticky straw splatter against his bare chest, heard Xander sigh. "I was hoping that you would be nice, but I guess you still have some issues to work out."

He heard the mug being set down on the bedside table, and blurted out, "What's going on, Xander? Why are you doing this to me?"

Soft lips on his own, and a chuckle in ear. "I love you, silly. I want to help you."

Spike opened his mouth to speak, to object to this sudden declaration and demand answers, but a piece of cloth was shoved in his mouth, and then more cloth interwoven with wires was tightened around his head as a gag. Xander kissed his forehead, and then curled up at his side.

"Good night, darling. Sweet dreams." 


	4. Distressed

**Chapter 4: Distressed**

It'd been an accident, honest. Willow had been working on an art project for one of her classes, and knew it would be awesome if she used a bunch of those soda-can tabs in the project. And she knew which one of her weirdly quirky friends had a shoe-box in their closet full of tabs that they'd been collecting for years. Willow used to borrow tabs for art projects and for inventing weird games through middle school, and so she knew Xander wouldn't mind if she took a handful of them.

She'd knocked on his apartment door for five minutes before she'd remembered that he said he was working tonight. With a mental shrug - he probably wouldn't even notice that there were tabs missing - she used her key and entered his apartment.

She opened his bedroom closet and knelt, digging though a pile of clothes to find the heavy shoe-box of can tabs. Scooping up a few, she poured them in her pocket and was about to get up when she smelled something. It was almost like cigarette smoke, but why would Xander's closet smell like cigarettes? Xander didn't smoke... unless he was keeping a secret from Willow.

Curious, she lifted a few of the pieces of clothing to her nose, but she could tell right away that they weren't the source of the scent. Digging further into Xander's closet, her hand struck the edge of another box, this one much larger than the shoe box, completely covered with scattered clothing. She uncovered the box and opened it, and gasped at the contents.

Almost two dozen little plastic bags, all neatly labeled, most of them containing anywhere from one to nine cigarette filters. One held an empty bottle of black nail polish, and in a larger plastic bag was what used to be a black t-shirt, but was now the bloody shredded remains of a black t-shirt that she'd _seen_ Spike wearing when it was shredded during a patrol. Another bag also held pages talking about 'William the Bloody' that had been torn from what must've been one of Giles' books.

She sat back on her heels, eyes wide and hands trembling. This wasn't good. She felt like she was in a horror movie, when you first see obvious signs of a stalker's obsession.

Willow shook her head sharply. Stalker? This was _Xander_! She'd known him forever. He was her best friend. There was no way that he could be some kind of psycho stalker.

Except that the proof was right in front of her. Deep in her heart she knew that if vampires were more photogenic, there'd be several pictures of Spike in the box too. Silently, she replaced the box and arranged the clothes over it, hoping that Xander wouldn't be able to tell that anyone had stumbled over his secret. With a heavy heart and a burdened mind, she locked up his apartment and left to think things over.

"""

Spike had been missing for a week, and Willow knew that Xander knew where he was. He was almost nonchalant when they first realized that Spike was AWOL. She knew Buffy thought he was just showing his disdain for the vampire, but since finding that box, Willow knew better. Xander should be frantic without the subject of his obsession, but he was as calm as ever, so she knew the vampire hadn't split of his own accord. She wasn't sure where he was keeping Spike, but it couldn't be too far away.

Plopping down on the couch next to Xander during a research party, she let a silly grin blossom on her face. Her nerves were all jittery and the butterflies in her stomach were doing gymnastics, but she used the on-edge feelings and made it sound like she was excited and peppy. "Hey Xan!"

"Hey," Xander smiled at her, and she almost faltered. How could her bestest Xander-shaped friend be a kidnapper and a stalker?

Steeling her will, she said, "There's a bake sale on campus on Monday, and I already volunteered to bring cookies, but there's no oven at the dorms and Giles' oven is broken from when Buffy tried to make Thanksgiving dinner, so I was wondering if maybe I could come over and use the oven at your place?"

"Oh man, I'm sorry Wills," he replied, "But my oven is on the fritz too. Did you try Buffy's?"

"No," Willow replied, "I'll stop by tomorrow and ask Joyce." Liar, she though to herself. Xander never used his oven, so why would it be malfunctioning? And even if it was, how would he have figured out that it wasn't working? No, it was far more likely that Spike was in Xander's apartment. An icy chill worked its way down Willow's spine, but she tried to ignore it and play the role of geeky innocent best friend for the rest of the evening.

"""

Adrenaline pounded though her veins as she drove up to Xander's apartment and parked. There was a fully stocked first-aid kit and a cooler with several bags of blood waiting in the trunk just in case. She hurried to Xander's apartment, pausing in front of the door. She whispered the words of a revealing spell, and felt slightly relieved when there were no protection spells or wards on Xander's door. She hadn't _thought_ he was practicing magic, but then again she hadn't thought he was interested in Spike. She quickly unlocked the door and slipped inside, closing the door gently behind her. Xander was at work right now, a fact that she had verified right before coming over, but that didn't mean she wanted to dally or wake the neighbors.

Upon entering the apartment, one thing immediately stood out. Xander's bedroom door was closed. Xander _never_ closed his bedroom door. Her heart pounding heavy in her chest, she approached the door and pushed it open.

She had been expecting it, but it was still a shock to see Spike trussed up like a turkey and chained to Xander's bed. Fear and nausea churned her stomach as she neared the bed. She took off the gag first, and then the blindfold. "Spike? It's me, Willow. Are you all right?" Spike didn't respond, glazed eyes staring into space. There were no visible wounds that she could see, and with only a sheet covering the lower half of Spike she could see quite a bit.

Willow turned to the bedside table where she saw a small silver key lying beside the alarm clock. Picking it up, she turned back to Spike and was about to unlock the chains when she heard Xander's voice.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." 


	5. Infuriated

_**A/N**: I'm at work and I'm a little pissy 'cause I just spent the last several hours trying (and hopefully succeeding) to delete a virus/trojan from my comp, and I feel the urge to fic to relieve stress. Thus, you get more obsesso!verse. Unbetaed, so point out mistakes and I'll fix them.  
**WARNING**: **Character death inside.** It's inevitable. I tried to fight it but someone has to die. Plus I'm pissy right now so I wanna kill someone off._

**Chapter 5: Infuriated**

Willow whirled around to face him. Xander stood in the doorway of the bedroom, leaning against the frame. To an outside observer, he appeared relaxed and confident. To Willow, he looked like a complete stranger.

"I'm taking Spike with me." Willow said firmly, "You can't keep him here like this. It's wrong."

Xander smiled and shook his head. "I knew you wouldn't understand. You think I'm sick, that I'm obsessed. But you're wrong." He pushed away from the door frame and stepped toward her. She hastily took a step back. "I love Spike and he loves me. I'm gonna take care of him."

She waved her hand at the bed. "This is _love_ to you?" She demanded, her voice rising with anger. "This isn't love, Xander. This is force! You can't force someone to stay with you!"

"I can." Xander replied calmly, "And I will if I have to."

Tears were brimming in her eyes as she looked at the monster her friend has become. "Why are you doing this, Xan?"

Xander stopped, and Willow watched as pain swept over his face. "I can't lose him." Xander admitted, voice quieter and hurting. "When I saw him try to kill himself, I knew that I would die without him." Dark brown eyes met hers, vulnerable and as close to tears as her own. "I can't lose him, Wills."

Willow's heart went out to him, but she kept her guard up. "I know. But you can't keep him chained up. It's not right."

Xander's eyes turned cold. "And it's right to let him die?" he said gravely. She opened her mouth to object, but he cut her off. "No. I won't let him die, not if I can help it. Not if I can help him."

"You aren't helping him." Willow said sadly. "You're just killing him in a different way."

"No!" Xander shouted angrily, and Willow cringed. "You're lying! I _am_ helping him!"

"Xander..." Willow said, stepping forward and extending a hand to placate him.

"SHUT UP!" Xander screamed, his hand a blur as he slapped her. Willow fell to the floor, one of her hands coming up to cradle her stinging cheek as tears streamed down her face. Mentally, she began chanting a spell. "You don't know anything! I love Spike and I know what's best for him!"

His anger evaporated when he realized that he'd actually struck Willow. "Oh my god." he sobbed, falling to his knees beside her. "God, I'm so sorry Wills." She allowed him to pull her into his arms, and for a moment they clung together and cried. "I never wanted to hurt you." he whispered into her hair, "But I can't let you take him away from me."

"I know." Willow murmured. "I'm sorry too." She touched the back of his neck with her fingertips, and said the last word of her spell. "Sleep." Xander's body slumped in her arms, and she carefully laid him on the floor, misery wracking her body. She kissed his cheek and hugged him one last time. "I pray that you forgive me some day."

Closing his nose with one hand, she covered his mouth with the other. The sleep spell kept him from fighting back, and after a few feeble jerks Xander's body stilled again. Slowly Willow removed her hands.

Spike whimpered on the bed, and Willow left Xander's side to administer to the vampire. "Spike?" she called again, "Can you hear me?"

Spike's eyes had gained some lucidity, and he was able to focus on her. "Red?" he moaned, voice harsh and ragged.

"Yes, it's me." She looked around, spotting the silver key on the floor where she'd dropped it. "Don't worry. I'll have you out of those chains in a jiffy."

"No, Red. Please..." Spike coughed, and Willow touched his shoulder, not sure how to offer him comfort. "Please stake me." he finally managed to say, eyes pleading with her.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" The nod was small but it was unmistakable. "Okay, Spike. I will." She retrieved a stake from her purse, and positioned it over Spike's heart. "Goodbye, Spike." she said, tears beginning to fall again.

"Thank you." Spike breathed as he dissolved into dust.

Sniffling, Willow wiped her face on her sleeve and began to pack her things. Slinging Xander's arm over her shoulder, she managed to half carry, half-drag him to her car. She drove him to Wethersfield Park, where there was a pack of Ocalo demons hiding out in a cave that Buffy had on her list to go after tonight. She laid Xander's body at the mouth of the cave and then retreated to a safe distance. When the first claw ripped into what used to be her best friend, she turned and walked away.

The next day when Buffy told her that Xander had been captured and killed by a pack of demons, she didn't have to fake her grief.

Before what was left of the Scooby Gang was scheduled to clean out Xander's apartment, Willow did a quick sweep just to make sure there was no other evidence of un-Xandery behavior hidden around. The Spike-box she took with her, and burned the contents. She took the shoe-box of soda can tabs with her as well, and hid it in her own closet.

There were some things that it was better that Buffy, Giles, and Tara didn't know. Let them remember Xander as the great and funny guy that Willow used to know, the way he deserved to be remembered. Willow would keep the memory of the man-turned-monster and the monster-turned-man to herself, and in the process shelter her friends from the burden to the truth.

After all, she was Xander's best friend.

The End.

_A/N: Okay, now I'm less pissy and more depressed. Feel free to flame me for the horrid ending, 'cause I'll still get a happy that you took the time to read it and write me a nasty comment._


End file.
